Monday, 25 April 2016

April 2016 // Favourites

Somedays work gets really hectic and tiring, while other days you come to work and you have only a few on your to-do list. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal.

Hi, it's April! Also known as my favourite month of the year simply because it is the month in which I was born. I'm 21 this year, the legal age to do all the things I don't do anyway. Haha

Onto my favs.

  • The Girl on The Train - Paula Hawkins (pdf) - mystery/thriller
"So what are the problems with these films? Well, they portray people of color as too desolate, too hopeless, too overcome by their own prejudices and circumstances to help themselves, so they need someone to help them. But not just anyone, no, this helper must be a White Savior. This Savior inspires the people of color, teaches them how to be a better them, and makes their lives better when the people of color couldn’t do it themselves. These films ignore the stories of people of color helping their own communities and helping themselves."

Ok, that is it for this month. Take care & wasalaam alaykum (peace be upon yall)

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Art: Octavio Ocampo

Bismillah, I'm starting a new tag under "art". It will be where I display artworks that I personally think is beautiful, relatable and/or worth sharing. There have been many times that I loved an artwork but since I didn't save/ document them, it is hard to find them again.

Octavio Ocampo is a Mexican artist who's artworks heavily involve optical illusions. You'll find my personal favorites below. Hope y'all enjoy <3

Family of Birds
Family of Birds
Mouth of the Flower
Mouth of Flowers
Ecstasy of the Lilies
Ecstasy of Lilies
Woman of Substance
Woman of Substance

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Quote by Walt Whitman

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. (I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Flipping onto the next page.

I spent the night just thinking about the past few years and how much I've evolved since then. I met an old friend of mine a few weeks ago and she reminded me of a few things about myself that I would've rather forgotten. Meeting old friends always leave me with a sense of odd fondness, because there will always be a part of you with them and a part of them with you that no one will ever get to see again. Both of you know each other so well because you grew together and some of your roots are intertwined but at the same time so much of you have grown since you last saw each other and so much of you have evolved and despite knowing each other you so well there's also a large part of each other that you don't know of. It's a completely different feeling from meeting a complete stranger who doesn't know you at all, it's almost an oxymoron because you know each other so well but at the same time.. don't. 

I am glad for all the things that happened over the past years. I never thought I'd say this. I never thought that I would place flowers on the grave of my past instead of completely ignoring it. But tonight I read poems by Warsan Shire, poems that I used to read. I searched and read through old journals of mine. There was a period whereby I was searching and searching and searching.

A friend of mine asked me a few months ago, what do you identify as? I spent my whole childhood asking myself the same question and feeling so displaced. People always look at children of mixed race and think, "how beautiful" but truth is it's honestly so much labour. It took me so long to make peace with who I am and to realise that I do not have to fit into a box, that I am my own box and that it is okay to be different, that different doesn't equate to being outcasted or being less.

Over the past years, I learnt how to be alone. I learnt how to be quiet, how to immense myself in solitude and be comfortable with it. I learnt how to take myself out on dates, how to travel alone and be in solitude in bookstores. How to live without being needy of a man's love. I learnt that love is deeply important and that love comes in many many forms and that the sources of love are plenty. I learnt that I am loved and I will continue loving. You can thrive with other sources of love. I learnt that giving out love is equally as important as receiving love, that everyone wants to be loved, and we thrive off love, therefore we must give love. Love and softness builds and causes growth.

I learnt that in my solitude, I can build my own universe/ empire. My solitude gives me plenty of space to figure myself out/ to grow as a person, to build my own empire, my own universe and create little planets and majestic galaxies and fill it with stars and constellations/ to expand my universe before merging it with someone else's universe. My loneliness gave and continues to give me clarity, and it is when I am clear of who I am and where I'm going that I am clearer in my dealings with others. My relationships become more meaningful since we aid in building our own empires, and it is of a mutual growth. All of us have our own universe/ empires. Our relationships should be a diplomatic exchange whereby we aid in each other's growth, whereby we merge our empires and create a much larger, stronger and stable empire.

I learnt that when loving, we will -intentionally or accidentally- hurt one another in the process. But it is important to forgive, since we hurt others too and want forgiveness. We are human and we make mistakes. Forgiveness purifies and hatred corrodes the heart.

A few nights ago I lied in bed and thought of the future to the point that my anxiety reached its peak and I was almost on the verge of tears. By Allah's grace, I eventually fell asleep. I haven't felt anxious for quite sometime, and some of the remains of my anxiety from a few days ago is still with me.

I will soon start a new beginning. I am terrible and terrified of new beginnings. I ask Allah for what is best for me, but I have to consistently remind myself that what Allah says is best for me is not necessarily what I think is best for me and not necessarily what I want.

I wrote this as a reminder that I have grown so much, through summer, autumn, winter and spring, and that by Allah's will, I will continue growing.

The world has ended for me many times, and it began again in the morning.

I welcome the future with open arms.


It's a gentle morning.

It might've rained last night, the weather isn't too gloomy and I am grateful that the sun isn't directly out. There is a big tree that I can see from my window. Its leaves usually sparkle like diamonds under the sun but it's not glistening as it usually does today. Surprisingly, I feel a little sad about this but God does not take without giving. I am immensely grateful for today's weather.

I want to start my morning pages again soon. A week has passed since the conference and there are many things that I genuinely wanted to change about myself since the conference but I am getting a little more relaxed about them. I need to repriotitise again, search and be with the quiet again, refocus to the things that are truly important to me.

This week's readings:

I might upload some notes from The Straight Path Conference 2016, once I actually complete them. I honestly can't wait for the recordings to come out, the topics were just really great and beneficial and I want to listen to them again and again. Take care, bye.