Friday 20 October 2017

Highly Sedated.

Salaam, how have you been? I've been okay, I guess. My phone is being charged, and I have no choice but to turn my attention to the laptop instead, because I can't stand being alone with my thoughts lately. I've been "drugging" myself without realising it. I am constantly on my phone, I am keeping up with the latest trends and releases of my favourite products. I've been thinking of ways to improve my life, not in the way I should be improving it but rather, materialistically. I'm been filling my soul with so much garbage. I would've continued doing that, if my phone hadn't died. But I can't do the things that I do on my phone on my laptop (ya'nee mindless scrolling through instagram, tumblr and youtube) so here I am now, confronting the ills of my soul. It isn't the easiest thing to do, to reflect upon yourself and to realise that you are miles away from who you want to be. The 15 year old me would not be proud of me. She was still disgusted with make up, didn't care about what she wore nor the latest trends, she couldn't differentiate a Chanel from a regular bag since the purpose of a bag is to put stuff into it. She hated artists. Didn't care who wore what to wherever. But, she grew up. The current me have at least 3 books that I'm almost done with but just left. Don't currently have the best relationship with my Creator. Haven't been studying for my exams. Heart's been elsewhere, man, heart's been elsewhere. Your soul's gotta be on a leash. You let go for one second and lord knows where or what it wanders to. 

Was listening to The Minimalist's podcast yesterday while I was cleaning out my closet. Joshua was talking about the five essentials of his life. I was merely mindlessly listening to it, as I haven't been able to stand the quiet, cannot be left alone with my thoughts. It did briefly occur to me that I've lost all the essentials of my life. And now, I can safely say that, yes, I've been.. distracted by this dunya. Gotta recenter my life to the essentials. Purify my heart. Detach from things. Give meaning to life once again. Being empty is exhausting. The cycle of constant sedation was to fill the emptiness of my soul. But I've had enough of it, because deep down I have been feeling pretty sad & pretty distant from Allah. I'm tired of it already. 

I'll leave you with this:

I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you're not, 
i hope you have the courage to start all over again.
-F.Scott Fitzgerald

Monday 2 October 2017

Monthly Favourites // September 2017

I wanted to post by September only to realise that today is already the 1st of October, yikes!

Feminism //
"Calling women inferior, illogical, and emotional beings flies in the face of these basic protections which Shari‘ah affords to human beings. Being insulted, humiliated, and demeaned harms the minds of women, limits the religion of women, and refuses dignity to women."
Islam //
Minimalism//

Stuff to read //
  • His Face All Red (comic)
  • Edward Gorey - found him a few days ago, have yet to properly read his works, but thought they were legit enough to share
  • Currently reading: How to Be Good by Nick Hornby (same author as A Long Way Down)

Until next month. Love, Aisyah.