days in this haze

the days have been hazy and calm. there were many emotions, thoughts and plans, and they all reached their peak of intensity and have slowly started to dwindle down and been replaced with a soft and quiet lull. i was early to work today. parked my car by a tree with orange and pink flowers, and saw a bright orange butterfly flying around the flower before sitting on it. i sat in the car with so much peace in my heart: an emotion that has been foreign to me for a few months now. so much has been happening: mostly amazing things that i wouldn't trade anything for but now i have time to breathe, and exist, and relax and simply.. be. it's a nice feeling.

i sat there just watching the orange butterfly for a few minutes before making my way out of the car. went to the tree, but the orange butterfly was missing. i walked around the tree and found that the butterfly has made a friend, and the two of them: two bright orange pairs of wings just dancing around each other, flying higher in circles before plunging down together and settling down onto two different flowers. it was a beautiful sight to see. i stood there for a few more seconds, taking it all in before walking to my workplace. i heard the birds chirping, soothing my soul. it's been hazy, so it was not hot and i did not sweat. days in this haze have been calm and nice.

❀

space and quietness is vital to me. it gives me clarity. these past few weeks of lull have brought out a side of me that i have almost forgotten. i am filled with ideas and excitement once again. i can be the romantic realist i want to be: with focus on the romanticism. i have been reading and researching and writing and i have so many ideas for my classes and i have my classes prepared in advance. i have little side projects i want to do. i'm glad that i'm meeting this side of me again. alhamdulillah.

❀

it is important to know what brings you peace and to know the habits, actions and people who disrupt your peace. sometimes the habit, action or person that disrupts your peace has been such an integral part of your life that you go a long period of time brushing off the fact that: this no longer serves my growth or brings me peace. on the contrary, it is weighing me down. it's a sad realisation too, because now you'll have to move on in life without this habit, this action or this person that you've grown so accustomed to or have grown fond of. but peace is necessary. it is vital.

reflecting back on the past few months, if i could do it all again, i would change a few things. i wouldn't brush off things that didn't bring me peace. if i had confronted these issues earlier, maybe the peace would've stayed. moving forward, this is something i would like to do more often: i'd like to be more honest (first and foremost to myself) and face issues that are disrupting my peace. no more brushing off matters that disrupt my peace to avoid conflicts and confrontations. 

• if i have a habit that disrupts my peace, i have to be honest and confront myself. regardless of how much i enjoy that habit. haha
• if someone's action is disrupting my peace, i have to confront the person and be honest with them, with hopes that they understand that their action is the problem.
• if there is a person disrupting my peace, i'll have to make the choice to be honest with the person or to set some boundaries between us. 

the days have been hazy.. but days in this haze has surprisingly brought so much clarity. i hope you have peaceful days and have peace in your heart too. salaam. ♡