I will soon be getting married in November, in shaa Allah. This process has been facilitated and made easy by Allah, and He is the best of planners. I am both excited and nervous for my life to come.
I woke up one morning and was suddently hit by the realisation that getting married is more than just being with The Mister and its will be a whole shift in my life and his too. My decisions are no longer what benefits me, but what benefits us. My life can no longer just focus and revolve around me because he will be a part of it too. It scared me for a while because I am at the stage in life where the decisions that I make are domino-decisions which would have a knock on effect on.. well the rest of my life. I'm really grateful that the man I will be with has been kind, understanding and patient (and pray that he continues to be kind, understanding and patient towards me too and me to him) and my nervousness has subsided and been replaced with an immense sense of gratitude. Alhamdulillah.
As I step into and begin this new journey of life, I want to write to remind myself of a few advices I've picked up from other people and a few realisations I've had as well.
♡
Remember Allah constantly and thank Him
Slowly falling in love is beautiful and I never knew that I am capable of experiencing such gooey feelings and cheesiness in my heart. It's so easy to be distracted by your significant other and start to dedicate more of your thoughts to this beautiful creation of God rather than God himself.
Remind yourself that when you're married, half of your deen is completed. Strive to complete the other half. One advice that stuck with me is: "Remember that the heart of the person you love is in the hands of your Creator."
So work hard with your relationship with God first, then work hard with your relationship with your significant other. Pray that it all falls into place, in shaa Allah.
♡
Know your rights, but focus on your responsibilities
Marriage is a relationship between two people. We have all lived our whole lives focused on one thing and one thing only: ourselves. After living for more than twenty years of being focused on just yourself, you have to move a little bit and make space in your life for a whole other person. The self-centredness needs to go. Your life no longer just revolves around you.
In order to remove the self centredness, focus on what you can give to your significant other rather than what you should receive from them. Questions to ask yourself:
In order to remove the self centredness, focus on what you can give to your significant other rather than what you should receive from them. Questions to ask yourself:
↠ What can I do for my significant other?
↠ What can I give to my significant other?
↠ How do I improve my relationship with my significant other?
This shifts the focus from being self-centred and being in the habit of blaming your significant other when things go wrong to being self-accountable and improving the relationship. If both parties focus on what they can give rather than what they should receive, there's an equal contribution to make the relationship better instead of two parties thinking ME ME ME and giving little or nothing in return.
♡
you will most probably fight
There will be ups and there will be downs. You will fight and there will be conflicts, misunderstandings and different expectations. It is inevitable. Don't run away from them, don't repress these feelings. Face them. Talk, talk, talk.
♡
COM-MU-NI-CATE
Listen: Those swirling thoughts in your head needs to be addressed. They can't stay in your head and will not be solved by staying in your head. Talk and pray that your significant other is a good listener, haha. Search for the right time and mood, lay it all out with kindness, talk and address the issues.
Encourage your significate other to communicate with you, too. Listen and see where they are coming from. See and try to understand their point of views too. Compromise and search for a middle ground in case there are differences.
Most important advice and reminder: ISTIKHARAH.
♡
Respect, Patience, Kindness and Love
"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates
that you may find tranquillity in them;
and He placed between you affection and mercy.
Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought."
-Surah ar-Rum, verse 21
I honestly and genuinely pray to Allah that I will forever and always have respect, patience, kindness and love for my significant other & I pray to Allah that he places in my significant other's heart respect, patience, kindness and love for me too.
This goes back to the subject of communication but also tied to the subject of respect, patience, kindness and love. I recently stumbled upon an Instagram page that's amazing and I've been taking notes. They're short and straightforward, which I love. Here are some that I saved:
♡
what happens at home, stays at home
You will disagree, you will fight, you will have bad times. You will also agree, you will love each other and you will have good times. Whatever happens between you and your significant other stays between the two of you.
You may fight and reconcile with your significant other, but once you tell other people about their faults, other people never forget even if you have forgiven and forgotten about it. Your significant other's reputation in their eyes have been stained.
You would not want your significant other to complain and speak about your faults to other people. Therefore, whatever happens between you and your significant other stays between the two of you. It doesn't reach your mum, your dad, your best friend(s), your acquaintances, your workmates, schoolmates, nada. You want to complain? Take your prayer mat out and cry to Allah. Cover the faults and deficiencies of your significant other. Protect them.
Allah says in the Qur'an: "They are your garments, and you are their garments."[1] What does a garment do? It covers and protect. More here [link].
[1] Source: Surah al-Baqarah, verse 187
♡
You will learn, just be patient
This was something I genuinely needed to hear from my married friends: calm down, it's normal to feel nervous, it IS a big life change but you will learn the things that you don't know and you'll get a hang of it soon enough. It's gonna be beautiful and you'll love it. In shaa Allah.
That is it for now.
Aisyah.
Aisyah.
