God is silent and invisible and sometimes I can't hear Him nor can I see His trace in my life. It is during times like these that I feel stuck in a labyrinth, I know that I came from an entrance and that there is an exit but I'm stuck in between with a thick fog. I don't know where to go nor what to do.
In a conversation about Trump's election, papa said "God is the grand designer of all things." I said to Him, "God is the designer but we have a say in what happens." A few days later papa showed me a video of a man standing on the left side of a tree. He seemed to be waiting. While standing, ants started biting his feet and he moved to the other side of the tree. Not more than a couple of seconds after he moved to the other side of the tree, a car came speeding to the spot that he was standing at moments before and hit the tree. After the video ended, papa said, "God is the grand designer of all things. The ants were an inconvenience and pain to the man but it saved him. God is the grand designer of all things."
This year stands out above all other years in my life because I had to learn several things the hard way. I had a plan for my life that I envisioned since I was 14. I didn't know if this was the plan that I wanted to pursue, but it is a plan that I have planned so well and repeated to myself so often that I couldn't think of anything else. I had something else that I wanted to pursue but it wouldn't be as "grand" nor as accepted in society as my initial plan.
My initial plan failed. I stood in front of a metaphorical door for years waiting for it to open but not only did it remain shut, it never even budged an inch. I tried numerous of different keys, I tried kicking it, pushing it, fighting it, hammering it, but it simply did not open. I did istikharah. I prayed to the Almighty to give me "what was best for me" but insincerely, I wanted what I wanted and I thought that it was best for me. It was hypocritical. Due to mere desperation and a sense of defeat, I finally looked around and noticed a second door. I was tired and hopeless and I knew that I could not stay in front of a locked door forever when all those around me have opened doors that stood before them and it led them to places. With nothing to lose, I opened the second door with no hope and my purpose was none other than that I had to be somewhere, anywhere, other than a closed door. The second door that I opened led me to a path that my heart lacked courage to pursue. Had it not been for the fact that the first door remained shut for years, I would've never been brought to it. The second door lead me to the contentment to my soul and joy to my heart.
God is the grand designer of things. God is silent and our eyes do not see God but He leaves His trace everywhere. We are too busy and far too distracted by the trivial matters in life to hear and see the traces that He leaves. Once we open our hearts, we will start seeing His trace everywhere. His trace is so bright but our eyes are covered. His trace is so loud but we are just far too deaf. We shut our ears and eyes to it.
God is the grand designer of things. He is ever-present. He never leaves. It is us who leaves Him. He patiently waits for His servants to open their hearts to His signs and be aware of the traces that He leaves.
