The older I grow, the more protective I am of my space. Privacy is something I value and peace is essential to me. Whenever someone disrupts my peace or disrespects my boundary or invade my privacy, I would kindly but firmly wish them peace and go my separate way.
In the past few weeks, two incidents occurred which disrupted my peace. These incidents are on my mind constantly, I keep replaying them again and again in my head which further aggravates me. I am not in a situation where I can easily wave bye-bye to them. I kept asking myself for days, 'why did Allah send these people to me' because in a normal scenario, I wouldn't associate myself with them.
After a few days of internal rage, I realised that this world will never be a peaceful place because it is a testing ground and a temporary abode. We will forever be tested here: with people, wealth, children. I then replaced the question of 'why did Allah send these people to me' to 'what is Allah trying to teach me through them?' and 'how can I handle the situation better if this occurs again the in the future?'
Now, instead of pointing fingers to them and fueling my rage, I am digging deeper into myself. I thought of Surah Hujurat. I read it, reflected on it. I also reflected on the things that happened and how I can improve it in the future:
1 - Pause. When something happens, I should pause before reacting to it. The pause may be for a few hours, or if necessary, days.
2 - Reflect. I should reflect on WHY it bothers me. Are my boundaries being violated? Are they claiming a right to something they actually do not have a right to? Are they invading my privacy? Why is it disrupting my peace?
3 - Speak up. Avoiding conflict by remaining silent will not make the conflict disappear, it is just sweeping the mess under the rug. In order to solve the problem or at least ensure that it doesn't repeat itself in the future, I should speak up and be firm. Be kind, but firm. I should stand my ground and stand up for what I believe is right.
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As I was reading Surah Hujurat, I also learnt a few lessons for the future:
1 - Whenever we receive an information, we should investigate it first because false information may harm a group of people.
We receive information so easily in this digital age and information gets shared instantaneously with a click of the finger without much thought. This was a beneficial reminder.
2 - We should make settlement between believers whenever a conflict occurs.
We should fight for the right of those who are oppressed and correct the oppressor until they return to the truth. If the oppressor returns to the truth, we should judge between them justly.
3 - Believers are brothers.
We should make settlement between people for this reason: we are bonded by Allah and Islam. We should discard our egos and fear Allah. We will then receive mercy from Him.
4 - Do not ridicule nor insult one another.
We do not know who is better in the sight of Allah. Only Allah knows. We might be less in the sight of Allah whereas those we ridicule or insult has a better status in Allah's eyes. We should fear Allah in our dealing with others.
5 - Avoid assumptions, backbiting and spying.
Stick to the truth, do not make assumptions about other people. In this surah, Allah compares backbiting to cannibalism. The simple thought of eating the flesh of another human was enough to disgust and send chills throughout my body. Similarly, backbiting should have the same effect on us. May Allah guide us.
6 - Fear Allah.
In all situtations, fear Allah. Return to Him and ask Him to guide us back to the truth. I ask Allah to make apparent my mistakes if I am at fault and repent to Him for my wrongdoings.
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May Allah protect us, guide us and may we receive His mercy.
Peace and blessings to you.
With humility,
Aisyah.
