April and Ramadan 2020.

Bismillah. Salaam and hi!

It's April and Ramadan - two of my favourite months combined together - and I couldn't miss the opportunity to update this space after months of disappearing. How is your Ramadan going so far?

This year's Ramadan is significantly different from my previous Ramadan. I'm with a new family, Malaysia's implementing a Restricted Movement Order (RMO) due to Covid-19 so I can't see my own family except through FaceTime and WhatsApp calls despite the fact that they live 5 kilometres away and the usual Ramadan routine and projects that I've had since I was 17 years old which kept me busy before have been abandoned due to the RMO and also due to the fact that I am married. 

On top of all, I haven't been feeling my best-self since Ramadan started, and I couldn't fast daily and whenever I do, it drains the energy out of me and leaves me feeling sick after I break my fast, which has left me frustrated and in tears. 

A couple of nights ago I was reading the Qur'an and stumbled upon this verse:

"And establish prayer and give zakah, and whatever good you put forward for yourselves - you will find it with Allah. Surely, Allah sees all that you do."

Al Baqarah (2:110)

Reading that made my heart feel full and brought tears to my eye. I was feeling so futile and felt that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to because I simply wasn't able to do so, and whatever good I was doing did not feel sufficient. When I read that, I was comforted by the fact that Allah sees that I am trying and whatever good that I was doing will be with Allah, with His will.

I've made a few goals this Ramadan and have kept it simple but I have one main goal.

Ramadan 2020: 

I want to read the Qur'an in understanding this year.

I used to set goals to finish the Qur'an in Arabic in the past Ramadans because Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) used to recite the entire Qur'an to Angel Jibril (A.S) in Ramadan and in the year of his death, he recited it to Angel Jibril (A.S) twice. 

Although I've finished the Qur'an in Arabic a few times, I've never read the Qur'an in its entirety in any language that I understood because:

1. Finishing the Qur'an in Arabic is emphasised upon by the people around me since Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) did it, but what I failed to understand was that Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) read the Qur'an in his mother tongue and in a language that he understood.

2. In the past I found it difficult to understand the format in which the Qur'an was written in and the relevance between one story to another within the same surah and sometimes some concepts were way above my head. Alhamdulillah tafsir classes in college has widened my perspective of the Qur'an and made me fall in love and understand it in a way that I've never before. I understand why Allah speaks the way He does, I find wisdom and awe in His rulings and stories and questions and relevance to the topics mentioned in my life. 

This Ramadan, I've been taking it slow and reading the Qur'an and referring to tafsir and just soaking in all in and I've been excited and amazed by what I've been reading so far. I want to read in reflection this year and my goal is no longer to finish the Qur'an by the end of Ramadan but to embark on this journey of understanding Allah's words, reflecting upon it and hope to come out of Ramadan a better person and to continue to be on this journey for the rest of my life, in shaa Allah. ♡

Besides that, I've been playing a lot of board games since being stuck at home and have a few personal favourites. I've learnt to love Monopoly and CLUEDO and the different variations / editions of each game. Buuuuut, what I wanted to share is an Islamic board game by a company called Goodword. This has also made me realise my lack of knowledge when it comes to the Qur'an which put me to shame. More reasons to read the Qur'an in understanding, hahaha.

Although this board game is aimed for children 5-10 years old, I can safely say I don't know any child who would be able to answer all these questions, and I teach 5-10 year olds Islamic studies. There's also Quran Challenge Game for adults which has 600 questions (I don't have it yet since unfortunately it is out of stock) and Hadith Challenge Game. It's a fun way to learn more. 10/10 would recommend all of them. 

Lastly, I finished reading the biography of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) called When the Moon Split. I've used it in the past for my sirah class in college and recommended it in my monthly favourites, but I'd like to recommend it again since I read it cover-to-cover this time. The author uses authentic sources and he wrote the biography in an easy to understand, story-like manner which I loved.

That is it for now. I'm sure Ramadan is different for all of you too and hope you have a beneficial Ramadan regardless of the current situation. Let's do our best and make the most out of it. 

"...and whatever good you put forward for yourselves - you will find it with Allah. Surely, Allah sees all that you do." :)

Lots of love, 

Aisyah.

Journey of Faith.

Iman rises and it falls. It doesn’t remain stagnant. The heart tosses and turns. It isn’t stable. In Arabic, the word heart itself (qalb) comes from the root word (qa-la-ba) which means tossing and turning.

Some days you feel so close to God. Everything you see and hear inspire you to get closer to God. All of your actions draw you closer to God. Some days you feel so far away from God. You feel detached, unworthy, losing the connection.

When we make a promise to ourselves to know God better and to love and worship Him as He deserves to be loved and worshipped, we have to bear in mind that this journey will be quite a bumpy ride. There will be time when your iman is high and similarly, there are times when your iman comes crashing down that you wonder how could the best and the worst state exist within you. How do you reconcile between the two?

Sometimes when I'm stuck in the cycle of sin, it would make me feel so ashamed of myself that it would deter me from God completely. I’d feel filthy, unworthy and sick of myself that I couldn’t bring myself to face God. There were days that I prayed but they were just movements. There were days that I missed my prayers in shame. There were days that I continued in sin, because I felt like a lost cause. It would go on for a few hours, or a few days, to the point that I feel so empty and I return back to God in desperation of feeling contentment once again and feeling absurd since I took away my contentment by sinning. But I felt compelled to sin, drawn towards sin, wanted to bask myself in sin so I sinned anyway only to be filled with shame and sadness afterwards.

I’ve recently developed a thicker skin. After I sin, regardless of the shame I feel, I pull myself together and tell God: “I am adamant on returning to You.” And I’ll repeat this again and again and again. “Oh Allah, I have sinned, but I am adamant on going back to you.”

Today as I was walking and thinking about this sentence, I was reminded of the man who murdered ninety-nine people. Despite his sins (killing is a major sin in Islam), he wanted to return to God. He went to search for a righteous scholar to ask him if God would forgive his sins. The scholar replied that God wouldn’t, and in anger, he killed the scholar too, making him his hundredth kill.

Now he has murdered one hundred people. Yet he still wanted to return to God! He continued with his journey, and before he could find another righteous scholar to give him an answer as to whether God will forgive him or not, he passed away.

The angels of mercy and angels of punishment debated: is this man a good man promised paradise, or is he filled with bad deeds and doomed to hell? 

Due to the fact that he was determined in his journey towards God, and that he was closer to righteousness than his past deeds, in the end, his sins were forgiven.

Moral of the story: We have to be determined in our journey towards God, regardless of our sins, or shame, or guilt. We have to return back to God.

--

Source: Sahih Bukhari 3470 (Link)

Journey to Being Kinder to Mother Earth // Updates + Progress

All Photos Credited to The Hive Bulkfoods

The Hive Bulk Foods is the first and only Zero Waste Store in Malaysia. It had one branch in Bangsar, and recently opened another branch in Ampang. They offer dry groceries (nuts, seeds, grains, etc), household items (for cleaning, laundry, kitchen goods, etc) and also lifestyle items (skincare, bath and body, dental care, etc). You can check their website HERE.

I had always wanted to go to the Bangsar branch, but it's on the other side of town and I never ended up going. I was delighted when they opened the Ampang branch and earlier this month I made a trip to the store to purchase a few things.

It's really scary to think of our usage of plastics and sadly, most plastics that we use are single-use plastics. In the toilet, our shampoo, conditioner, shower gel and skincare products are all filled in a plastic bottle. Once we finish its content, off it goes into the bin, before the landfills. 

The fruits, vegetables, grains and meat that we purchase are all neatly packed in plastics. We unwrap them, toss them into the bin and it stays in Mother Earth for the next hundred of years. It's sickening. We do so much damage to the Earth by being so blatantly ignorant and selfish. Corporations are willing to destroy the Earth for the sake of money. 

This month, after my visit to The Hive, I was reading reports of recycling in Malaysia, and it's bad. As a country, we toss rubbish out of the car window and onto the streets so needless to say most people don't seperate their rubbish into categories and recycle them. I was determined to start recycling. I had a bag filled with empty plastic bottles, ready to take them to the nearest recycling centre. I kept them in my car boot... for days!

I. COULD. NOT. FOR THE LIFE OF ME, FIND A NEARBY RECYCLING CENTRE!!

It was so frustrating. We used to have a recycling centre about 1 km away from where I live, but its now closed down, probably due to the lack of recycling. The closest recycling centre was 20km away! 

After reading more about recycling, I found out that it takes a lot of energy and resource to recycle. While it is definitely better than simply waiting for Earth to swallow it up, it is best to start opting for a zero waste lifestyle. I read a quote by Anne Marie Bonneau @ Zero Waste Chef that said, 

"We don't need a handful of people doing zero waste perfectly, 
we need millions of people doing it imperfectly." 

It gave me hope because investing in these things (in comparison to normal single-use plastics) definitely ain't cheap and a lot of my things still are plastic, and I feel terrible. I remind myself that in the long run, it actually saves a lot of money. I also ask myself how much am I willing to pay to slow down the Earth from being destroyed?

So these were the things that I bought:

1. A Bamboo Toothbrush

Review: My brother purchased another bamboo toothbrush a year ago, and said that the bamboo pricks his gums. I was hesitant to try it out, but I got a different bamboo toothbrush its good! It does its job, its bristles are quite soft and it doesn't prick me! 

Rating: 4/5

2. A Variety of Straws

Malaysia recently launched a campaign called "Tak Nak Straw" which literally translates to "Don't Want Straws". Prior to purchasing environmentally friendly straws, I thought the campaign was telling us to refuse straws.

After purchasing environmentally friendly straws.. I realised that if you don't tell the waiters that you do not want straws, you'll automatically be given one. The campaign wasn't telling us what to do, it was a slogan. We need to actually inform and tell the waiters that we don't want straws. Lol. 

There are so many options with straws! I've tried all of them, lol. 

• Metal Straws 

My personal favourite. I thought it would taint the taste of my drink and I am a person who chews on straws and you can't really chew on metal (unless if you wanna destroy your teeth then go ahead) but its the best! I got the bendy one and I luuuvvv it <3

Rating: 5/5 

• Paper Straws 

I carry these around to offer them to my friends. They're cheap, you can throw them afterwards (they are decomposable). They also don't turn soft quickly. If you're not into washing your straws and want an easier change, then I'd recommend this. 

Rating: 5/5

• Silicone Straw 

I'm not too sure as to how environmentally friendly silicones are? I've been trying to read more about it, and many sites and videos say that they're better than plastics as they are more durable. But does the Earth swallow it up??? Eventually, maybe?? 

As a straw, this feels the closest to plastic straws. If you're a plastic chewer, you can chew on this. I don't recommend chewing though, as it damages the product in the long run.

Rating: 3.5/5 

• Bamboo Straws 

In all honestly.. all I can taste is the bamboo.. and its bulky. I don't like it and wouldn't recommend it.

Rating: 1/5 (1 point for effort)

3. Metal Shaver + Razor Blades

I haven't used it yet and ended up giving it to my brother who was desperate for it. YouTube videos say they're great and that it's the closest shave they've had! 

Rating according to my brother: 7/5

 

4. Bamboo Q-Tips

They're so nice! Love them more than I love the plastic ones because they're a lot more sturdy and do not break easily. 

Rating: 5/5

That is all. I still have a long way to go but I'm glad that I'm making slight progress. 

What small change will you make soon? :)

Lots of love, 

Aisyah. 

Here are some updates regarding my journeys:

Last month in December, my parents had closed down their office and had to pack everything in it. Mama brought back some furnitures for my room and threw all of our broken and scratched furnitures away. I finally had a room makeover. Needless to say, a lot of time in December was spent decluttering; from the things in the office, to the things in my room, to the things at home too.

It got to the point where my room was ‘perfect’, in the sense that I only had what I needed, was currently using or at least somewhat attached to. But I still itched to let go of more. I kept on taking my things out, and asking myself again and again if i needed it. It drove me slightly crazy, too.

I then had to remind myself again that minimalism is a tool, not a destination. What was I trying to achieve with minimalism? Was it merely getting rid of things and being left with nothing? Cos that would bring a lot of emptiness, both physically and spiritually.

And I reminded myself of the minimalism beyond the things. I want to read more. Create more. Understand more. Be excited for more. More non-materialistic things. A life beyond just things.

This is something I've been meaning to do for soooo long. I've watched plenty of videos on the Zero Waste Movement, I watched the True Cost Documentary, yet I've made very little changes to my life still :( The thing about being more conscious about the environment is that you'll need to spend some money initially, but once you fork out the large amount, you don't have to spend anymore. Despite the insignificant progress that I've made, I still want to document it to hold myself accountable:

1. I carry my own reusable bag
I got a foldable reusable bag from Daiso for RM5 which I carry in my bag all the time. So whenever I purchase something that doesn't fit in my regular bag - I'll unfold my reusable bag and use that. Besides that, my family have also bought reusable bags and trolleys and we take them with us whenever we go grocery shopping. Pretty basic.

Ok from now onwards, it gets pretty.. feminine, so warnings if you're a man.

2. I've swapped from regular wax to organic wax
My dad is Punjabi. Nuff said. Since I was about 16, I used Veet Wax Strips, plastic strips with wax on it that you have to heat up before using. One box would last me 1-1.5 usage. Lol. The plastics are disposable a.k.a it goes straight to the landfills!

A year ago, I was introduced to Norah Organic Wax. It's honey wax in a glass jar, and you use sticks to scoop it up. It also comes with a packet of washable cloths. And oh.my.god it's literally the best. One jar costs only RM35, which is similar to Veet, except that it lasts me for soooo many usages. (probably about 6 usages?) It's simple, organic, easy to use, and a lot kinder to mother earth! It's a Malaysian brand, but I'm sure you can find something similar in your respective countries.

3. I started using washable panty liners

​A friend of mine started using washable cloth pads, and the idea was foreign to me for the longest time. She told me about the dangers and harms in regular pads. And.. I finally made the switch! But only with panty liners. The brand that I use is bamboolite and it's easy to use. Pretty straightforward, comes with an instruction. This seems like a simple switch, but just say I use 30 panty liners/month, which means that I'd use 360 pads/year. Lord knows how many in a lifetime. It's pretty incredible. Another friend of mine switched to Freedom Cups, but yikes, I just.. can't. This is good enough for me for now and I'm loving mine so far!

So those are the updates for my journeys. Baby steps.

Take care! Happy 2019!

Love,

Aisyah.

Minimalism Journey: Part One.

Just as I thought I was comfortable enough to call myself a minimalist and start documenting my journey, I started going through my stuff and realised that "Oh.. maybe I’m not a minimalist after all.."

I am writing this as a reminder that it is about the journey rather than the destination. This is the reason why I wanted to start writing about my journey, because it is a journey. I'm not meant to be perfect while I'm on a journey, I'm meant to be making progress. I'm meant to be heading towards a destination. And if I’m on the way there, I should be fine. Phew. Here are a few things I have been reminding myself:

1. We bring things into our lives and they have a way of accumulating, especially if we do not go through them often.
2. If we’re not careful, our lives end up just being surrounded by things that we don’t even like but hold on just because we are emotionally attached to it.
3. Emotional attachment to an item is usually an attachment to a memory attached to the specific item or attachment to the person who gave the item. 
4. Example #1: I can’t throw this item away because I bought it during my trip to India 8 years ago! In this first example, we are attached to the memory (Trip to India) and associate it with the item. 
5. Example #2: I feel unable to detach myself from this item because my grandma gave it to me! In this second example, we are attached to the person who gave us the item (grandma) and associate it with the item. 
6. Know that you can still cherish the memory and the person who gave you the item, but you can let the item go, especially if it is of no use to you.
7. It’s okay to let things go - even if it costed a lot. You paid for it, you used it and it has served its purpose. Say thank you to it for its service, then say goodbye. 
8. If you didn’t/ haven't use it, be happy that it will be of benefit to someone else!
9. It’s okay to spend money on things that you really love and will use.
10. Constantly be critical of what serves a purpose in your life.

Here are a few updates on my minimalist journey:

• I've Generally Stopped Buying Books

I used to be a book hoarder. I'd buy books that caught my eye, books that were famous and books that were on sale. I was that girl at a book fair with a trolley, buying as many books I could get my hands on at a cheap price. However, this didn't mean that I read all of them and my shelf was filled with books that I didn't read and only a handful of books that I read and genuinely enjoyed. A few years ago, I made the conscious decision to stop purchasing books and to donate at least 80% of the existing books that I had.

I went to the public library and...

↠ Donated the books that I've read and knew that I wasn't going to read again

↠ Donated the books I know I wasn't ever going to read

↠ Donated the books that I kept telling myself I would 'someday' read but knew for a fact I'd never read

I went to a second-hand bookstore and...

↠ Sold some books at a really cheap price

↠ Reminded myself that the price I paid for the book has served its purpose. e.g. If I paid RM50 for a book, I have gotten the value of RM50 by reading the book and now it's time for me to let it go.

↠ Reminded myself that someone else would enjoy the books that I've enjoyed!

↠ Someone else would also enjoy the books that I did not enjoy, haha.

I'm spreading love by donating/ selling the books. It would benefit someone else. :)

How do I read now?

↠ Online.  

There are multiple websites and platforms that you could read books on. I'm not always legal but hey, there are plenty of legal options such as kindle and so on.

↠ Friends.  

Alhamdulillah I'm blessed with friends who enjoy reading so I borrow books from them. Tips: It's important to know how your friends cherish their books and please return their books on time! I have friends who hate breaking the spine of books, whereas I don't really care. So just be careful with other people's belongings.

↠ Second-hand bookstore/ Book Rental.

I have a second-hand bookstore/ book rental near my place called the Reader's Paradise. Most of the time, they'd have the books that I want and the way that this bookstore works is I could either purchase the book for a low price or I could rent it for RM5. So initially I'd pay the original price of the book and when I return it within a month, they'd give me the money back and keep RM5 as the cost of rental. It's pretty cheap, they carry a great selection of books and I borrowed the Harry Potter series from this bookstore! :D

• Items of Clothing

I’ve been watching videos and reading on ways to find my own personal style and I’ve also just been asking myself what makes me most comfortable + the types of clothes that would make me look nice while covering my aurah so I can pray with whatever I have on. While having that in mind, I took all my clothes out of my closet and went through each and every one of them. Got rid of a few, need to take a few to the tailor and kept the clothes I genuinely enjoy. I'm so happy with my closet now.

I also started to mix and match some items of clothing in my head for me to wear later only to forget all of them the next day, haha. I later found this app called GetWardrobe which would help you organise, plan and match your clothes. I have yet to do it, but it seems like a nice idea. It's just tedious and time consuming to sit and snap each item of clothing - but definitely something I will do once i get the time.

• Make Up / Skin Care

 

This isn’t something that I’ve done recently but did a few months ago. Did you know that things expire? Hahaha. Because I freaked when I found out that they do and that I’ve been keeping lipsticks from 2013! I got rid of things that I got ages ago + colours that don’t suit me anymore + skincare that don’t work for me.

• Created a Junk Pile

One thing that I’ve done which has really helped me in my minimalism journey is to make the things that I no longer want VISIBLE. If we start organising things and keeping them back into where they used to belong, the chances of us actually getting rid of it becomes so much slimmer. However, by making them visible, there’s always that nagging voice in your head that will go “hey you’ve got to get rid of that” because a junk pile is such an eye sore. I think the minimalists have the concept of a junk box, but I prefer just piling them up in a corner of my room since that helps me better.

• Letting Go: Non-Material Minimalism

I am learning to say no when I have to. I’m still kinda bad at it, and sometimes when people call me out on me saying no I start feeling terrible and reconsidering my choices, but sometimes no is good and a must. If you’ve got $50 to last you till the end of the month, saying no to any outings is useful. If you hear something that you don't agree with, saying no voicing out what you think is right is important (something that I actually really struggle with). And this can go on and on.

• Developing Self-Confidence

Part of minimalism is to focus on the important things in life and letting go of the things that do not align with what you hold to be important.

One of the important things that I want to start focusing on is self-confidence. I'm quite an insecure person. Alhamdulillah my insecurities are not paralysing insecurities that let fear swallow me whole, but I am starting to notice that sometimes I don't own up to the things that I deeply believe in and feel strongly about because I'm shy. It's quite ridiculous. Maybe a dumb part of me believes that if I say them out loud, I'll somehow make it less real. Maybe they're just too personal and too close to my heart that saying it out loud feels like exposing a part of me I don't want anyone to know about. Maybe I don't feel worthy of the things that I want in life. Maybe I think people ask questions in the passing, and don't put too much thought on them whereas I've thought deeply about the things that they asked me (sounds proud, I know, but I mean that in the least prideful way). Lotsa maybes. Haha. But I am starting to think that its okay to say some things that I believe and feel deeply about. Even if people disagree with me. Even if they challenge me. Even if.. yeah. I just want to own up to what is in my heart and let them translate into actual convictions and actions. That's all.

***

I now have a pile of things to be thrown and a junk drawer of things to seriously consider. But when I look back at where I first started: a bookshelf filled with books I didn't and wouldn't ever read and a handful of which I enjoyed and a wardrobe filled with clothes I hadn't and wouldn't ever wear and a handful of clothes that I repeated often to where I am now. Alhamdulillah for progress, regardless of how little I feel it is. I have a long way to go, but hey, it's a journey and one that I'm glad that I'm making.

Till next time,
Aisyah.

Journeys: Tools vs Destination.

Hey! Over the past couple of years of blogging, I've written about many ideas that I've discovered; from Islam, to minimalism, zero-waste lifestyle, feminism, intentional + conscious living, inspiring people/books/videos, alongside many mundane and unimportant things that I enjoy such as fashion and style, make-up, books, tv shows and movies. But.. a question has always bothered me and has increasingly been bothering me..

How do I apply the things that I've learnt into practice?

And it makes me ashamed to admit that despite the countless links I've shared, I still haven't reached a point where I can say: I am proud with my Islamic/ minimalist/ zero-waste/ feminist or conscious living journey. And if I don't strive to start applying these ideas into my life, they will remain as that. A meaningless word. An empty label. An idea. 

It's easy to be fooled and watch a video and do a couple of things here and there and think: Hey, now I'm a (insert label here)! But it is important to realise that our lives are more than just labels we give ourselves. Life is a journey and the things, labels or ideas we learn and acquire are MERELY TOOLS to aid us live a better life, not the destination in itself. It is our job to recognise that these are tools, and tools are meant to be utilised rather than kept. I want to start keeping myself in check. I need to be better, not just in my headspace, journal or blog but in my real life. 

I will be starting a new tag, under the label "journey" whereby I will update any progress I've made in any of the any of the things that I'm striving for. We need to be better. We must constantly strive to do so, or else the current of meaningless life will float and drown us.

Excited to share this journey with you! x

Aisyah